DUCK SOUP

New Blog

2011-02-06T01:04:00.000-08:00

Well, it's time. I've started a new blog, the Ostrich Alphabet. I won't be deleting Duck Soup any time soon, but I won't be posting much on it either.

Fear not, gentle reader. The Ostrich Alphabet promises to up the awesome factor. By how much nobody can say, but it will up it. Oh yes.

Because we all know I can't resist anything with the Shat...

2010-07-29T09:49:00.000-07:00

“How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways.”

-William Shatner

Eating cheese and crackers in bed late at night

2010-07-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

It's probably not the best idea, but that's what I'm doing, mindlessly surfing the web with each hunk of cheddar I shove in my mouth. Here's what I found while doing it.

My 15 new callings in life...

2010-06-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

So, I'm job hunting and it's horrible, but I think I've discovered the problem: I haven't been looking for the right jobs. Ever thought of being a coconut safety engineer? Neither had I, until I found this delightful list of 15 very strange jobs.

Maybe I'll be an odor tester...

The current state of affairs

2010-05-31T22:02:00.001-07:00

Life of the nomad

2010-05-31T21:54:00.000-07:00

I moved. Again. I'm now almost 27 and am living with my parents. Success!

Must-See for Shat Fans

2010-05-26T13:56:00.000-07:00

So it's been a ridiculously long time since I posted, and what better way to re-enter the blogosphere than with a DOUBLE-WHAMEY POST in my continuing series, "William Shatner: The Man, the Myth, the Legend." These two videos will blow your mind.

You're welcome.

So true

2010-04-07T17:18:00.000-07:00

It works for dogs, too.

Fish slapping

2010-04-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

Because we all need a little Monty Python in our lives.

Mooooving day

2010-03-06T16:56:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm now officially moved back to Fairview... well, with exception of the stuff in my parents' basement and the third of a car load left in my old apartment. Oh, and um, memo to those I forgot to tell: I decided to move back to Fairview, into a cute little house with a huge backyard, apple and plum trees, and a vegetable garden. Yep. Living the rural American dream. Next thing you know I'll be sporting overalls.

Can I just say that moving house is one of the most ridiculously tiring things on the planet? This is my fourth move in under 2 years, and you'd think after all that glorious moving experience I'd have the good sense to reduce the number of items in my possession by sending them to the thrift store where they very likely belong. But I'm a packrat. We don't let go easily.

Well in the coming days I'll post some pics of the new place, and no, it is NOT a trailer this time. Yeewhoo! Moving up in the totem pole of life.

Awesome.

2010-02-19T15:15:00.000-08:00

It's time for a (rambling) art appreciation moment!

2010-02-12T21:11:00.000-08:00

In the summer of 2003, my family spent a few days in San Francisco. We were basically broke, but wanted a vacation so desperately that we went anyway. We've never been a cautious or sensible brood, but we like it that way.

It was the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college. I was attending Utah State and majoring in art, specifically photography. I had also just finished up my first semester as a graphic design intern for the English department's literary journal. One of my intern duties that semester was to contact a number of museums for permission to republish images of works in their collections, and one of the museums I corresponded with was the Museum of Modern Art in San Francisco, or SFMOMA for short. So, you can imagine, when we arrived at the San Francisco airport and I saw an advertisement for a special art exhibit at SFMOMA, my interest was piqued.

Ironically, I'd had very little experience with art museums at the time, and had just barely taken my first art history class ever, but I knew that I liked art and I liked the idea of being "cultured." My family trudged along to the museum with me and dutifully paid the entrance fees for the main exhibit, but only I forked out the extra $5 (...from my dad's wallet) to see the featured travelling exhibit, the one I'd seen advertised in the airport and on banners hanging from streetlamps.

I wandered around the general exhibit first, and nearly burst with excitement when I saw one of the pieces I'd studied in my art history class:

I felt so knowledgable to recognize it. I boasted about the sighting to my family later. Whether you believe it or not, this was actually a ground-breaking artwork 90 years ago.

I enjoyed how I felt as I looked at the various paintings and sculptures, admired the sensations of reverence and awe that spread throughout the exhibits. Besides a few random trips to the Church History & Art Museum in Salt Lake, I hadn't experienced art so close, so personally before. Honestly, though, I can't remember much of what I saw that day, with exception of the above-pictured urinal, of course, and the paintings of one particular artist--

These works were what composed that exhibit I spent the extra money for- the Marc Chagall exhibit. I think that's when I really fell in love with art, with paintings, with the effect a little artistic genius combined with paint and canvas can have. It's been nearly seven years since that moment, and I've learned more about art and been to many more museums in that time, but Chagall and SFMOMA still maintain residence in my affection.

Following are a few of my favorite Chagall paintings. (I wish he's given more to choose from. He literally only painted 10,000 or so.) They don't necessarily make sense, and I like that. Viewing his paintings is like entering a dream. Click here for a nice article about him from the Smithsonian magazine. And here's an excerpt from that article as a preface to his paintings. It gives a short explanation of why I like his work so much:

Chagall himself said he was a dreamer who never woke up. “Some art historians have sought to decrypt his symbols,” says Jean-Michel Foray, director of the Marc Chagall Biblical Message Museum in Nice, “but there’s no consensus on what they mean. We cannot interpret them because they are simply part of his world, like figures from a dream.” Pablo Picasso, his sometime friend and rival (“What a genius, that Picasso,” Chagall once joked. “It’s a pity he doesn’t paint”), marveled at the Russian’s feeling for light and the originality of his imagery. “I don’t know where he gets those images. . . . ” said Picasso. “He must have an angel in his head.”

Best Sign Ever

2010-01-29T12:26:00.000-08:00

Who knew an Olsen could be so entertaining?

2010-01-26T22:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, so some of you may have already seen this, but I'm posting it anyway because it's fabulous. America's treasure Mary-Kate Olsen, half-star of such cinematic gems as "How the West was Fun" and "Billboard Dad," now grants us an intimate look into her fascinating life and creative process. I don't know about y'all, but somehow I already feel more complete.

Do enjoy.

Very Mary-Kate, Episode 1 from Mary-Kate Olsen on Vimeo.

Very Mary-Kate, Episode 2 from Mary-Kate Olsen on Vimeo.

Very Mary-Kate, Episode 3 from Mary-Kate Olsen on Vimeo.

Very Mary-Kate, Episode 4 from Mary-Kate Olsen on Vimeo.

Lovely, ordinary life

2010-01-13T19:51:00.000-08:00

Howdy.

So, I thought it might be a nice idea to actually write something on this blog instead of simply posting a picture or video clip, but let's face it folks- without my mask of borrowed humor, I'm really not very interesting. But I'll give this a shot anyway.

I've been trying to make decisions lately- you know, the important, potentially life-altering kind- but truth be told, I'm rather rotten at making up my mind. Somehow, though, I finally came to a decision- well, almost, kinda-sorta came to a decision, which is an astonishing accomplishment for me- and then I brought said decision before the Lord. I prayed, I listened, and finally my one-word response came:

"Wait."

Wait. Okay. Wait for what?

I haven't gotten that bit yet. So I guess I'll- you guessed it- wait for it.

At any rate, it looks like I'm staying put in Provo, at least for the time being, and will continue to commute to Fairview for work. I'm not exactly sure what I'm waiting for- I have an idea or two, but nothing confirmed- but I trust that the answer will come in time.

Stay tuned! Oh yeah!

Kosher Fail

2009-12-29T12:30:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas...

2009-12-20T10:46:00.000-08:00

...from me and Mr. Bean. Here's a classic clip to get you in the holiday spirit. ;) LOVE it!

Or go to the Mr. Bean YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDOO3FvGsZ4

Why does this remind me of my awkward childhood?

2009-12-14T23:53:00.000-08:00

P-p-p-poker face

2009-12-07T11:51:00.000-08:00

Okay, so many of you have probably already seen this, and it was already on my brother's blog, but I think it's hilarious so I'm posting it anyway.

Going shirtless...

2009-11-24T00:24:00.000-08:00

...not me. You can all sleep soundly tonight.

Admission: I actually saw the movie "New Moon" on Friday. Yes, I'll repeat that for any disbelievers or those in shock. I did see "New Moon" opening night- not out of a frenzied, 13-year-old-girl-desire to see it, but instead because of my friendship with a friend of mine and our ongoing inside joke about the "Twilight" series. (What can I say? We love to mock the ridiculous.)

Ahem. Anyway. Moving on.

We'd heard that in the film, the character/werewolf Jacob has a tendency of taking off his shirt. Naturally, we couldn't let such a fine opportunity for mocking pass us by, so during the movie, my friend kept count of the number of times Jacob appeared shirtless in the film. I guessed it would be seven times, my friend guessed five, and the film compromised by giving us six. All around us, girls swooned- and not all of them teenagers. My friend and I tried not to laugh... too much... ;)

The experience brought to mind a certain movie star who likes to appear shirtless, and the (by now) rather famous impersonation of that certain movie star by fellow celebrity Matt Damon. And then, I thought to myself, "Christine, why don't you share the hilarious clip of Matt Damon impersonating Matthew McConaughey on your poor, neglected blog?"

So that's exactly what I'll do. Thanks, self, for the great idea!

Appendix=Conspiracy!

2009-11-07T14:00:00.000-08:00

WARNING- If you love political pundits- i.e. Hannity, Coulter, O'Reilly, especially Beck- you will probably not like this post... especially the clip at the end... and will probably not like me as much afterwards. Just saying.

So, anyone who's ever been unfortunate enough to listen to one of my rants on political talk radio/tv pundits knows how much I dislike them- Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, "Papa Bear" O'Reily, Glenn Beck, Keith Olbermann, etc. I don't particularly care which side of the issue they're on- if they're too extreme in their views and are shouting into the camera/microphone, I turn the channel. They breed and feed off anger- the greater the vitriol, the better. None of them seem interested in rational discussion- it's always about "Which cause/movement/person can we, with great vehemence, attack now, and urge our listeners to persecute/crucify/barbecue with mad, irrational, hungry frenzy?"

Ok, so maybe that last sentence may have been a little much. But you get the idea.

Now, most people who know me also know I'm a big fan of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Yes, I know, they can be a little extreme in their lefty views, but I think their satirizing often exposes the issues (and the people who influence/control them) for what they really are.

Both Stewart and Colbert have, through their satire, displayed strong dislike for conspiracy theory-sprouting, mob-mentality igniting Glenn Beck, but neither haven't really gone after him with their fullest force... until now.

The clip below is, admittedly, rather long, and Stewart kinda beats his point into the ground because of that length, but I still think it's worth watching.

And this is how they do it in Norway...

2009-10-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

... with kitchen appliances, some serious "plumber's crack," and guys who look like the cavemen from the Geico commercials.

Consider yourself warned.

A new lost world...

2009-09-08T09:55:00.000-07:00

Howdy. Some of you may have seen this already, but I am so unbelievably fascinated by it that I'm going to post it anyway. What follows is a link to a British news story of a newly-discovered lost world in the jungles of Papua New Guinea. It's basically been untouched by the outside world for 200,000 years and thus its creatures were enabled to evolve in some interesting ways (i.e. the kangaroos live in trees. So cool)! Anyway, it's a pretty interesting article. Click on the photo slide show on the right side of the page to see some of the new creatures they discovered.

What an amazing world we live in!

Click here to read the article.

Happy reading!

Butt wait, there's more!

2009-09-01T11:28:00.000-07:00

Sorry. Easy joke.

Thought about not posting this, thought about being mature and taking the high road... didn't. And yes, this is a real product.

Baaahahahahahahahahaha.

Lazy Blogger Trend Continues... with a Manwich!

2009-08-06T02:19:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm a lazy blogger. So lazy, in fact, that I'm posting more videos- but these are fabulous. Thanks go to my brother for introducing me to their delightfulness.

They're both videos of SNL's Bill Hader (LOVE him!) doing an impersonation of reporter Keith Morrison. Aside from the hilarity of these clips, I think they also make an interesting statement (of sorts) regarding journalists and their often-morose love for disasters and anything salacious, not to mention their impaired interviewing ability... ;)

Hope you enjoy.

Your daily dose of the absurd...

2009-07-14T02:30:00.001-07:00

...courtesy of Craig Ferguson. Enjoy.

I too would like to punch a robot in the face or wrestle bears...

2009-07-07T23:27:00.000-07:00

Oh satire. How I love thee.

Below is JibJab's latest video, a delicious satire of someone you might recognize. Regardless of political preferences (unless you're really sensitive), I think you'll enjoy this one.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Love, Marriage, and Divorce- Great Article

2009-07-02T17:18:00.001-07:00

Hellooooooo.

I saw this article today and thought it was a rather insightful and well-written piece on love and marriage, and the failures that sometimes come with it, in light of the recent Mark Sanford scandel. (I really don't like that guy)...

Click here to read it.

The article cites Sanford as "immature." I couldn't agree more. I certainly doubt he deserves another chance with his wife, but it looks like she disagrees- she recently said in an email to the AP that she's willing to give her turkey of a husband another chance. (Click here to read that article.)

What are your thoughts?

Hobbits Unite!

2009-06-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

While I'm on my Shatner kick, I thought I'd bring in some Nimoy for fun. Besides, I love any video that gives the benefit of hallucenagetic drugs without all the nasty side-effects.

My particular favorite part of this video is the rump-shaking at the beginning...and the spock/hobbit ears...oh, and the fact that it's LEONARD NIMOY singing it. Proof that some careers are impossible to kill. Beautiful.

The Shat Returns!

2009-06-09T10:51:00.000-07:00

The time has come, my friends, for another installment in my series "William Shatner: The Man, the Myth, the Legend."

Cue the music!

First up: here's a little bit of creepy. Don't get this guy around young women. Note the little burst of laughter from someone in the audience (who could help it) and the look on Shat's face. I don't think even he can take himself seriously in this one:

Next up on our Tour de Shat, he lets us know that he knows who he really is. The eyeliner doesn't hurt either.

And finally. I don't know who put this one together, but I love it. I also love that bizarre leather jacket/tshirt "I'm trying to look young and hip" combo Shat's wearing in the interview chair:

Woooooo!!

A whole new level of weird

2009-06-01T11:24:00.001-07:00

So, I guess food company Del Monte recently conducted a poll in Great Britain, in which they asked 1,000 woman which celebrity they thought was meritorious enough to be made into a popsicle. And they picked...

...yep. Daniel Craig.

Apparently the pop is only available in England for a short time- until June 7- so, err, sadly only the Brits have a shot to pick this treasure up.

So I'm simultaneously creeped-out and fascinated by this awesome example of marketing gone wrong. Thoughts?

Shocker! A post about Twilight... err, sort of.

2009-05-19T11:15:00.001-07:00

Now, anyone who knows me also knows I'm not exactly a fan of "Twilight," but here's a version I can definitely get behind:

I think this guy also appreciates.

Star Trek...

2009-05-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

...was awesome, especially because Nimoy was in it. As much as I love the Shat, I think I'm glad he didn't have a cameo. I love his hammyness, and think he's brilliant in certain roles (Denny Crane!), but he just doesn't fit in with Abram's version of Star Trek, or Chris Pine's updated take on Kirk. At least not right now.

Of course, my small mention of Shatner here is moving me to make another post in my continuing series "William Shatner: The Man, the Myth, and the Legend." Stay tuned...

What does it all mean?

2009-04-22T23:29:00.000-07:00

Up the canyon

2009-04-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

The weather was beautiful today. It felt criminal to stay inside on such a gorgeous day, so after church I called up two of my good friends, (Tonya) Whipple and Hartman, and we took a drive. Ultimately we ended up in Spanish Fork canyon, towards Diamond Fork. It was nice to be away from the madding crowd, and we took advantage of this opportunity by having a little picnic of sorts.

Our picnic consisted of a few items I grabbed from my house before leaving, and the random packages of food my friend Hartman had in the back of his car.

The schmorgesborg.

A Delicious Possibility...?

We (ok, Hartman) discovered an, err, insteresting concotion: the pop-tart sandwich.

I'll tell you what- that sandwich wasn't half-bad! It wasn't even all bad! It was slightly good.

Hartman also tried this combination with a piece of beef jerky included. Funny thing... it didn't taste half-bad either. (More like 1/6 bad). Whipple wisely refused to try this.

As Hartman says: "There are many ways to combat hunger. [The pop-tart sandwich] is one of them. Cold brutal killings of defenseless animals is another. This is the way a man's mind works."

The Man, the Myth, the Legend

2009-04-09T22:34:00.001-07:00

Stumbled upon this gorgeous 1978 rendition of Elton John's "Rocket Man." This is vintage Shatner. This is Shatner at his finest. It's been parodied all over the place, but only the Shat himself can really do it justice.

Fascinatingly/Horrifyingly enough, Shatner has actually recorded a few albums over the years. From what I can tell, he always "speaks" the lyrics. His first album was released in 1968, entitled "The Transformed Man." In it he compared pop songs of the time against the works of William Shakespeare by (are you ready for this, folks?) combining the lyrics of these songs throughout his own dramatic readings of Shakespeare! The album includes such Shatnerized gems as "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" and "Mr Tamborine Man."

George Clooney once said he would choose Shatner's "Lucy" to listen to on a deserted island because "If you listen to [this song], you will hollow out your own leg and make a canoe out of it to get off this island." Sweet praise indeed.

Well, I'm thinking of periodically posting Shatner gems as I find them as part of a revolutionary series for this blog, in the hopes of uncovering what, truly, is the man, the myth, and the legend of William Shatner. Stay tuned.

Christopher Walken Rocks My World

2009-04-06T15:44:00.000-07:00

Here's an old music video starring Christopher Walken. It's been out for quite a while, so a lot of you have probably seen it, but I wanted to share anyway.

This just makes me happy.

Old times

2009-03-25T22:37:00.000-07:00

I was looking through some old boxes of photos tonight, and as generally happens when looking through old pictures, a flood of memories came. What's interesting to me is that what affects me most isn't the actual recollection of events but instead the emotions that accompanied those events. Hence, I look at a photo of me as an exquisitely awkward 13-year-old at a girl's camp and think less about what I did there and more about the crippling sense of isolation, self-doubt, and despair that most adolecents feel. I wish I could go back and tell that painfully-unsure girl that life would turn out ok, that although Brandon or Aaron, or whichever boy I was in love with, would never return the affection, life would go on. I would tell that girl to keep her chin up, stop listening to her inner-demons, and enjoy life. I would tell her that life really is beautiful. It really is.

Thankfully I've come a long way since then. In celebration, I'm posting some pix of my childhood, the pre-teenage years. I know, strange and a bit anti-climatic considering I just talked about being a teenager, but I don't have any pix of that on the computer. Eventually I'll scan some pix of the teenage years- oh glorious!- and we can revel in my nerdiness together. Anyway, enjoy.

Apparently, I was getting married to Data, who also creepily happened to be my brother. Ah, Halloween.

Chad Vader

2009-03-17T21:20:00.001-07:00

So, I'm putting off California for a day or so because it's going to take some energy to really post about it the way I'd like. To keep you occupied until that post occurs, here's a little something I discovered the other day. I'd like to introduce you to the latest love-of-my-life, Mr. Chad Vader. He's featured in (so far) 11 webisodes, each about 5 or 6 minutes, and available on YouTube and BlameSociety.net. Here's the first two episodes for your viewing pleasure.

Coming soon to a computer near you:

2009-03-16T15:53:00.001-07:00

A new post from me, detailing my recent adventures in the great state of California. Your life will never be the same. Stay tuned.

Another New Post. "Chat Time With Me" Continues!

2009-03-02T14:10:00.000-08:00

Notice, dear reader, a new question directed to me and answered in the side panel "Chat Time With Me." A shout-out to Lauriann for asking. :) My answer is profound and will probably change your life forever.

And don't forget, you fabulous readers (all five of you!) that you too can have your questions answered by the preeminent philosopher and thinker of our day by simply leaving a question in a comment on one of my latest posts. No question is too great or small for my all-penetrating mind. I may even know the answer to your question before you even ask it!

Woot.

New Post! I am deity.

2009-03-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

Inspired by an entry on my brother's blog, I decided to type my name in the Urban Dictionary to see what came up. (A word of caution, though: the Urban Dictionary's definitions can be a bit, shall we say, scandelous? Exercise prudence, my fellow compatriots).

Here's my favorite definition:

A deity; the best person to be in your corner; unlimited power and potential; a muse; someone that can change your life. Someone that takes your side even when you're wrong; soulmate; kismet; fortuitous; serendipity

Sample Sentence: "If I only had Christine, I could do anything!"

THAT'S RIGHT FOOLS! (Fools meant, of course, in the endearing Mr. T sense of the word).

Woot.

Un-broken computer, broken brain

2009-02-24T16:49:00.001-08:00

Or something like that. My computer works again, but my muse has left. I feel like my brain is broken. Hopefully it will repair soon, enabling me to share all sorts of witticisms with the general populace.

Until then, peace out. :)

broken things

2009-02-09T22:51:00.000-08:00

my computer is basically broken. you have no idea what it's like to type with an on-screen computer.

bah.

The Return

2009-02-02T22:44:00.001-08:00

Well I'm afraid my return to blogging isn't very eventful. I'm too tired to blog much tonight, but thought I'd post a video for your viewing pleasure. It's of Steve Martin performing "King Tut," straight outta 1979. It's an SNL classic performed live. Bizarre and wacky and all sorts of goodness.

Well I think it's really been a long, long time...

2009-01-08T10:02:00.000-08:00

Howdy.

Yes, it has been quite a while since I've posted, and with good reasons:

1) Christmas. Delightful, but sucks the life and time out of ya.
2) Running a shop. I feel like I live here. Grraagg.
3) Moving. Yes, moving.
4) Commuting after moving.
5) My laziness.

Commenting on numbers 3 & 4- yes, I moved, back to the merry old land of Provo. I was excited, then hesitant, but once the moved occured, happy. The emotion of happiness, you must know, can never occur simultaneously with the action of moving from one dwelling to another. The two cannot coexist, becaues moving is the among the most miserable of all afflictions designed to torment man. This qualificiation may be explained by dividing the concept of "moving" into several steps, each extremely painful and to be avoided at all costs:

1) Packing. No matter how organized you try to be, there will always be at least a few boxes marked "random junk" and filled with the ridiculous odds and ends that you know you'll never use again, but still can't bear to throw away. ("This eraser still has a third left. I can't throw that away! What if I need to erase something I wrote with the pencil I haven't bought yet!") Then, in addition to those boxes of random junk, the actual random junk lies around the house, not in boxes, to make the situation even more hopeless.

2) Physical act of moving. Ugh. Enough said.

3) Cleaning dwelling after moving. Hideous, horrible, and just plain unpleasant. I never realize just how much of a mess I can make until I'm forced to clean it all up. Also, this step always takes longer than you think it will. Actually, all steps in moving are this way.

4) Unpacking, especially if into a small space.

Happily, in my case, the place I moved to (a cool historic house) is lightyears nicer than the place I left (a 1970's trailer, complete with Napoleon Dynamite's kitchen), and it has 2 cool roommates- my sister-in-law and the most fearsome ninja cat of the north, Nema.

I suppose things have a way of working out.

I knew it!

2008-12-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, you must check out this amazing article. Click here. It's about how romantic comedies ruin our lives- well, our romantic lives at least. And ha- I've been saying this for awhile now! So there, scientists. I knew before you did.

Ok, I probably didn't. But still...

Here's a quote from the article to pique your interest.

"'We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds.

'The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realise.'"

I know at least for me personally, I've been heavily influenced by chick flicks. And ladies, really, let's think about this- how many of us are holding out for "the one?" How many of us believe (even at some tiny, subconcious level) that relationships progress perfectly, that men should be able to read our thoughts and be amazingly sensitive, and that men should also give amazing, sappy speeches to us about how wonderful we are and how they can't live without us, usually given after they've run to the airport to catch us before we fly off to some exotic location?

(As if they couldn't have just called us when we got there).

Truth is, life is life. Relationships are hard, and love is harder. I think I've spoiled a few good opportunities because my preconcieved expectations weren't met. Anyone else?

Christmas Music & Bears

2008-12-11T16:14:00.000-08:00

Howdy.

I'm growing increasingly tired of Christmas music. This may have something to do with the fact that we've had the SAME...THREE...CDs....playing at the shop for the past week or two. Nothing against the holiday spirit or anything, but I think I'm ready for a little silence. Or at least a moratorium on Bing Crosby and obscure Christmas tunes from the 1940's, or Christmas tunes from obscure artists of the 1940's.

Anyway.

And now for something completely different.

I just received an email with the link to a site called ThingsBearsLove.com. I had to stifle my laughter, which was difficult, because there were actually some people in the store at that moment. Hi-LARIOUS! Anyway, check it out, unless you have an aversion to cartoon blood and guts. I found it quite amusing.

I am number 617,928,589

2008-11-28T23:43:00.000-08:00

Putting off going to sleep, I've been wandering around the web randomly via the "Stumble" feature and found a site called www.GlobalRichList.com. It's a fairly simple website. When you type in your annual income, it spits out your wealth ranking. Apparently I am the 617,928,589th richest person in the world, and while that may seem like a meager position, this apprently places me in the top 10.29% of the world's richest.

It's easy for me to wish I had more money and material goods, and admittedly I do it more often than I should. In doing this, however, I overlook how tremendously blessed i am and how much I do, in fact, have. Plus, in addition to- and notably more important than- any material goods I own, I have a fantastic family and amazing friends. That's nothing to hang my head about.

You know, this afternoon I heard about a Wal-Mart employee in New York who was trampled to death by the rush of this year's "Black Friday" mob. Reports even say the mob of people rushing for "big savings" jostled rescue workers trying to save the man's life. It's an extraordinarily horrifying thing to think about. Terrifying, really, that essentially a man lost his life because a few people wanted to save a few bucks on electronics or other items which will become obsolete in a couple of years and be tossed out in time to buy a new one. In the fever and frenzy and rush of a crowd, people weren't thinking.

Now that's where the danger lies.

The 20th-century Jewish philosopher Hannah Arendt wrote a fascinating account of the trial of Nazi war criminal Adolph Eichmann, a man who was put in charge of the physical transportation of millions of Jews to concentration camps. Arendt argues in her book "Eichmann in Jerusalem: The Banality of Evil" that Eichmann's evil sprung not from his own diabolical evil genius, but simply from his failure to actually think rationally about the things he was doing and the orders he was given. He felt he was faultless because he was simply "following orders." His intelligence and personality were so unremarkable as to render him banal, or ordinary, and it was this banality, this lack of critical thought and absolute compliance with authority and puplic opinion which gave root to his horrible, evil actions.

In other words, evil (or awful results)comes from a failure to think.

Now, I know I've seemingly come a far way from my inital idea of "I'm richer than I thought," but that's just it- I often forget to pause and think about such a concept. It's always in the back of my head, somewhere, but not enough to stop me from wishing that I had more money. And although I hope I would never be party to such a scene as exhibited itself in New York, there are plenty of ways such a scene could be repeated in some metaphorical fashion- for me, for all of us.

What's happened to us?

Sorry if this comes off as "preachy" or anything like that- it's certainly not my intention. I'm just voicing a few of the thoughts swirling around my mind at this late hour.

When Fact & Fiction Collide

2008-11-24T17:02:00.000-08:00

"The Truman Show" has long been one of my favorite films, and if you haven't seen it I highly recommend it, but it's recently popped up the news in a very interesting way:

NEW YORK – One man showed up at a federal building, asking for release from the reality show he was sure was being made of his life.

Another was convinced his every move was secretly being filmed for a TV contest. A third believed everything — the news, his psychiatrists, the drugs they prescribed — was part of a phony, stage-set world with him as the involuntary star, like the 1998 movie "The Truman Show."

Researchers have begun documenting what they dub the "Truman syndrome," a delusion afflicting people who are convinced that their lives are secretly playing out on a reality TV show. Scientists say the disorder underscores the influence pop culture can have on mental conditions.

"The question is really: Is this just a new twist on an old paranoid or grandiose delusion ... or is there sort of a perfect storm of the culture we're in, in which fame holds such high value?" said Dr. Joel Gold, a psychiatrist affiliated with New York's Bellevue Hospital.

What I find so dually fascinating and frightening is just how fiercely connected we are to the Media and Entertainment industry. It seems so innocuous at times, and certainly some of it is, but I fear that it makes the line between fact and fiction a little too hazy for our general well-being.

Don't worry. I'm not going to hide out in a cave, or totally ban the Mass Media from my life because I think it will turn me into a schizo. I just think it might be wise to reevaluate our level of dependance upon it. It's too easy to overlook the profound impact it has on us all.

To read the rest of the above-quoted article by the AP, click here. It's pretty fascinating.

Naughty Monkey

2008-11-24T12:51:00.000-08:00

No doubt my brother will have at least of smidgeon of appreciation for this video, which I found on the lunatic site RatherGood.com. It's got a few random funny things on it, to put it mildly, but sadly many of them are dirty, so browse at your own discretion.

Anyway, I found this video to be absolutely bizzarre, slightly off-putting, yet strangely humorous. I may lose a few friends after they watch this video and discover just how strange I am... ;)

MEH!

2008-11-17T13:42:00.000-08:00

Most people won't have a clue why I'm posting this, except for my brother and a few other family members. Well, I'll clue you in.

My brother and I frequently take part in "meh" wars, sometimes shouting the word in a high pitch. Puzzling to those watching, quite enjoyable for me.

Apparently, the word "meh" has been added to the dictionary as a term signaling "indifference or boredom," and the experts are citing fabulous television show "The Simpsons" for inventing the term, or at least for bringing it to prominence. Click on the link below to read the full report...unless you say "meh" to clicking on links. ha...ha...ha...aren't I soooo clever...

"Meh" Enters the Dictionary

Not My Strong Suit (I only have weak suits, falling apart at the seams, those devils).

2008-11-10T10:29:00.000-08:00

So I've decided the blogging is not my strong suit. Actually, I've decided that I'm terrible with most forms of communication and keeping-in-touch. Hence, any persons reading this that I haven't kept in touch with, my silence has nothing to do with you. I'm just a loser.

Wow, that sounded pretty pathetic. I might as well add on to that, "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms," but that's not true.

I would never eat worms.

ANYWAY.

Sitting here in the shop at present, watching the snow fall lightly. It's actually rather pretty, and I must admit this in spite of my fierce avowal to hate snow to infinity, and beyond. (Thanks, Buzz).

Ooh, just killed a fly. YES! I am lord of them.

I'm feeling too random now. More later.

Hilarious. Hi-larious!!

2008-10-13T14:28:00.000-07:00

Check out this marvelous story I found on Yahoo, from the A.P.

Teen changes her name to CutoutDissection.com

ASHEVILLE, N.C. - A 19-year-old Asheville teenager said she legally changed her name to CutoutDissection.com to protest animal dissections in schools.

The Asheville Citizen-Times reported that Asheville High graduate Jennifer Thornburg now wants to be called Cutout. Her new legal name is the Web address for an anti-dissection page of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals' site.

The teenager said she began opposing dissections in middle school, after a class assignment to dissect a chicken wing made her uncomfortable. She helped create a policy at her high school that allows students who object to dissections to complete an alternative assignment.

She is now an intern for PETA. She said most of her family members still call her Jennifer.

___

Information from: The Asheville Citizen-Times, http://www.citizen-times.com

Busy Me

2008-10-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

Hello.

I've been busy, as always. I thought when I graduated college and moved to a small town, my life would slow down somehow. HA! Quite the contrary, I assure you. Hence, no time for blogging. And, um, I kinda forgot for a while. Hence, no new blogs for two weeks.

I really dig the word "hence." Such a great one. Another great word discovered recently, thanks to my friend Alan: "Churlish." It has, according to Merriam-Webster, three different definitions:

1 : of, resembling, or characteristic of a churl : vulgar
2 : marked by a lack of civility or graciousness : surly
3 : difficult to work with or deal with : intractable

I was so in love with the first definition because it alerted me to the fact that such things as "churls" existed. So naturally I looked them up. "Churl" means

1: ceorl
2: a medieval peasant
3: rustic , countryman
4 a: a rude ill-bred person b: a stingy morose person

But wait. What in the crazy world of fish sticks does "ceorl" mean? Apparently, it is

1: a freeman of the lowest rank in Anglo-Saxon England.

Wait. What was I talking about in the first place. Ah yes, cool words. And churls. Blast your hide, Merriam-Webster, oh ye of the hyphenated-title, for throwing me off-track.

Anyway, I'm done now. I think I'll start calling rude, ill-bred persons, and stingy morose persons, churls.

All sorts

2008-09-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

So this will be a random post. (What else is new?)

Yesterday I looked through a bunch of old mission pictures with a friend of mine. It was fun and strange and sad at the same time. Recalling my mission fills me with regrets. I always find myself wishing I had done more, that I hadn't been quite so crazy (in every definition of the word), and that, most of all, I had better appreciated my time in Alaska. It was a great experience, but too often I found myself worrying over stupid details, being consumed with fear (people scare me), and pining away for home and for a future at home that I thought would be beyond perfect. (Ha!) (Okay, okay- in full disclosure, I am generally pleased with the way my life has progressed, post-mish, but it certainly isn't what I expected).

Anyway, why do we often look so "beyond the moment" that we can't appreciate the beauty that presently surrounds us?

Enough philosophical-ness. Yes, I know "philosophical-ness" isn't a word. Deal...with...it.

In other news...

The store is still open. It has not closed yet. I still have a job. I still, generally, like my job, even though it requires talking to many people. I think I am getting better at talking to people. Let's hope I am getting better at talking to people. I feel like I am writing like a robot right now.

In other other news...

Tonight I head up to Provo for a few hours to help pack up the last remnants of my old condo. Someone FINALLY offered to buy it, so I guess this really marks an end to this era of my life, that is, the living-in-a-condo-that-my-parents-own-but-that-I-really-grew-attached-to-and-now-have-no-chance-of-moving-back-to era of my life. In more concise terms, there's no going back now. Even if I end up moving back to Provo, it will never be the same. And that's life. I guess I just have a hard time saying goodbye to the past.

Stupid nostalgia.

In other other other news...

Small-town life is quite enjoyable. The air is clean and smog/pollutant-free, and at night the sky is so clear I can see the Milky Way. People are fairly friendly, traffic is basically non-existant, and life seems to have a slower-pace. I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'm certainly going to enjoy the time I have.

It's that "living in the present" sort of thing. I think I'll try it out for awhile.

Love in a backward world...

2008-09-17T15:22:00.001-07:00

This is one of the loveliest videos I have ever seen. A good friend of mine shared it with me a while back, and I remembered it thanks to a quirky art film my brother posted on his blog. Anyway, hope you enjoy it. If you do, you might want to check out the director's website:

www.ChrisVincze.com

It's been such a long time...

2008-09-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone.

Well, it may appear I have been a lazy blogger- and this may very well be the case- but I have been a busy little bee of a business person, because... drumroll please...

THE STORE IS OPEN!!

Yes, it is true, the store is finally open, and I am for the most part running it, despite the fact that most people who come in think I'm 17. (Well, at least the lady who just came in did). Well, at least they'll think I'm an amazing whiz-kid entrepreneur or something, instead of what I really am, a bum just out of college trying to find some direction. Ah yes, these are the glory days.

Not much else to say right now. More later, perhaps with the oft-promised (and ne'er fulfilled) pictures.

Yep

2008-09-06T14:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I ended up changing the design again. I can't figure out how to change some of the features, such as the picture of the puppy in the middle (yep, it just came that way), but I figure I'll try out this design for awhile.

Birthday bliss, and so on and so forth

2008-09-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

So the blog design is still the same. I've been so busy that I haven't had time to play around with the ol' blog, let alone write on it. Graag.

I'm not exactly sure what "graag" means, and I may have just invented it. Think of this new term as a method of expressing frustration, sluggishness, or something else. Look for it in Webster's next year as the new "it" word. Of course, I am not suggesting it will replace the actual word "it;" that would make sentances quite messy.

"Graag has been a lovely day, hasn't graag?"

Anyway. Enough silliness.

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY, which means I have now reached that "coveted" quarter-century mark in my life. And what a lovely day of Quarter-Century-Commemoration it was! I spent the morning with grandparents, the afternoon shopping with a long-time, very dear friend. So much fun! That night, I went out for Indian food and a comedy show with an amazing friend, and was treated like royalty. True story. He even gave one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever received. Sweet!!

But the fun didn't stop there. I stayed the night with Tonya, an old mission compy and also one of my dearest friends, and when I came in from my adventures out, she had decked out the apartment with "Happy Birthday" banners, made a delicious fruit tart (my favorite dessert!), and bought me the A&E version of "Pride and Prejudice!" Yes, ladies, this is the Colin Firth version ... oh be still my pitter-pattering little heart; it can not resist the beautifulness of the Firth as Mr. Darcy.

This morning as I reflected on all this, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my life and the incredible people who make it so worthwhile. I probably don't deserve all of this goodness, but I'm certainly delighted by it. Hooray for blessings!

And now, it's back to work at the shop for now. Graag. Actually, the shop is almost finished, so I shouldn't be graag-ing. The worst of it (i.e. majority of remodelling)is done; my tiling skills now lay dormant as I break out my Merchandise Display skills. Oh yeah! Soon pictures shall be posted. (Yes, I know I've been saying this for months, but it's for REALS this time.) So stay tuned.

New blog design! Now with fiber!

2008-08-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

So, I may, for the next few days, be trying out different blog designs, and after plenty of frustration and dissatisfaction, will most likely change the darn thing back to what it was originally. Let me know what you think.

Lazy me

2008-08-24T23:28:00.000-07:00

So, I've been a lazy, uninspired person lately, and one of the fruits of said uninspired-ness is the lack of new blog posts. Luckily, since blog-posting laziness is not, as far as I know, any kind of deadly sin, I should be okay. Unless it is a deadly sin. In which case... dang.

Late at night... grammar is bad... ugggghhh...

The last week has been full of shop-labor, like cleaning floors and staining them and then sealing them, and eating plenty of Otter Pops in between. Mmmm, Otter Pops. Delicious frozen confection straight from heaven itself. You know, if Saint Peter hands out something tasty in heaven, I bet it would be Otter Pops. They would also come in handy to throw down as cool relief to the sinners burning in the eternal hellfires of Hades.

I am, of course, being completely facetious. Who would waste an Otter Pop on really bad dudes in hell?

ANYWAY.

The shop should be opening sometime this week, which is a good thing, as I am basically burned out with the entire remodelling project and will be very happy to run a store instead. Yay for not coming home covered in dust, paint, and tiling mud!! Also this week, and in the weeks to come, school starts for myriads of poor little children, poor teenagers, and poor twenty-somethings, as well as the occasional old folks who go back to college to finish degrees. Yay for determined old folks who don't care if they stick out like sore thumbs amidst the plentitudious plentitudes of late-teen/twenty-somethings going to university!!!

I think I've reached that special point at which anything further I write will make little-to-no sense or be totally worthless. I recognize this may describe everything I've written so far. Well anyway, hopefully later this week I'll post some pics of the new store, accompanied with somewhat-intelligible text.

Sweet dreams.

Random list of things that either delight or irritate

2008-08-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

IRRITATE- Flies. I hate, hate, hate, hate with a capital H (so I guess that should've gone Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate) FLIES. Nasty, filthy little beasts that are currently flying all around the lobby of my soon-to-be store. Two are currently sitting on the monitor- oh, no they're chasing each other- nope, back on the screen. I spent the better part of a half hour last week chasing the little brutes around with the shop vac. I think I caught about ten, the dumber ones who don't pay attention to their surroundings enough. The cunning and clever ones always evade entrapment/death- fly paper, fly swatters, shop vacs, you name it- and you can tell them apart from the idiots by virtue of their size. They're generally huge. Outsmart, outlast, outgrow.

Ooh. I hate flies.

DELIGHT- Fairview air. The air quality here is absolutely lovely. If you've ever smelled the cool, slightly sweet fragrance of mountain air, then you'll have a general idea of what Fairview air smells like in early morning or at dusk. A-mazing.

ANOTHER DELIGHT- Otter pops. Ok, so I know I already posted about these, but seriously- how amazing are those little suckers? Delicious, cool, refreshing, and awesomely named (aka "Strawberry Short-Kook" or "Alexander the Grape"). Plus, now the powers that be at the Otter Pop corporation now manufacture Otter Pops Plus, which are 50% juice. Never mind that high-fructose corn syrup still tops the list of ingredients. Otter pops are half good for me, which means I can eat twice as much. Brilliant!

TIME FOR ANOTHER IRRITATION- Painting rooms with high ceilings. Also, painting ceilings. It involves misery, sweating, paint all over the floor. (I'm klutzy, it's true). I'm painting again today, so I suppose this is fresh on the mind as a result.

TIME FOR ANOTHER DELIGHT (MUST STAY POSITIVE)- Nice people. Okay, so I know that there are a disturbing number of awful people in the world, but for some reason, I haven't met most of them. I met, know, or am friends with some of the most amazing people on the face of planet earth. It's true! These are people who have some or all of the following traits: they are friendly, down-to-earth, positive, funny, caring, quirky, understanding, passionate, and unbelievably patient and forbearing (hey, they put up with me). Combine these characteristics, and they are some of the most gorgeous people I know.

IRRITATE- Supermodels, especially when airbrushed. Unless they have the qualities listed in above post. If they wear a size zero, however, the jury may still be out. 'Nuff said.

TIME FOR HUMILITY- I should probably retract that last IRRITATION. I'm sure there are very nice supermodels out there. Let me know when you find one. I should probably be irritated instead with the people who market these supermodels and glorify them. But then, maybe that class of people includes me. I stare at the magazine covers in the supermarket as much as the next person. Perhaps it is our own willingness to deprecate ourselves that allows the beauty industry to warp us as much as it does.

DELIGHT- A new blog, recommended to me by my brother- SeriouslySoBlessed.Blogspot.Com. It's a spoof of blogs written by newly-married, overly-optimistic, and at-times hypocritical Mormon girls (general age group: 18-21). Because it's so over-the-top, clever, and not mean-spirited, I can gleefully recommend it to you, people who read this blog.

ANOTHER DELIGHT- The Olympics. For reasons I can't quite pinpoint, I really enjoy them.

Maybe I'll post some more DELIGHTS/IRRITATIONS later, and possibly by then come up with a better label for them. Until then, the shop vac and I are going on a fly hunt.

Mr. T is Too Cool for School

2008-08-13T00:06:00.000-07:00

So, I was reading my brother's blog, and he posted some awesome Mr. T commercials from Great Britain (click here to see them). Anyway, it reminded me of a video I saw in my 12th grade AP English class. For some reason, one of the students brought it in, and my life was forever changed. And now, presented below, are two clips from this video, a special after-school production starring Mr. T, and entitled, "Be Somebody, or Be Somebody's Fool."

Yes, it is 80's cheese. And it really is that amazing.

So watch, enjoy, and allow yourself to journey back to a glorious world of stretchy pants, dancing on the beach, and Mr. T in chains.

In this first video, if you can make it to the end of the cheese-fest, you'll witness Mr. T give an amazingly magical and heartfelt message about "being somebody."

Note Mr. T's amazing short shorts in the next video.

I Am Awesome

2008-08-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, so that's not exactly a humble opening, but it's true. I am awesome, and I will tell you why: because I can now install tile.

Oh yes, you read correctly: I can now install tile. I helped my dad install some wall tile yesterday, and I will continue installing this coming week by myself. I don't know how to grout yet, but hey, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither are my tile-laying skills.

So I'm thinking that the ability to lay tile now ranks me among the greatest. Batman, Spiderman, The Incredible Hulk, ain't got nothin' on me. Eat your shorts, Superman.

I think we need to change some iconic words to mark the occasion:

"Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locamotive. Able to tile tall walls in a single bound. Look! In the unfinished bathroom! Is it a plumber? Is it a general contractor? No, it's SUPER-TILER!!!"

Loud screams of love accompany the celebratory blare of trumpets; yes, I have arrived.

Paris and Politics

2008-08-07T17:39:00.000-07:00

So, most people who know me also know that I basically detest Paris Hilton. However, in the following video, I don't mind her so much... in fact, she's rather brilliant in it. I'm sure she didn't write it, but still... brilliant. And I can honestly say I never thought I'd ever use the terms "Paris Hilton" and "brilliant" together.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/64ad536a6d

This about sums up my feelings on the election...

2008-08-06T10:22:00.001-07:00

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Alone. Whoa.

2008-08-04T10:29:00.000-07:00

So yesterday (not counting church) I spent the entire day alone with nothing pressing to do. I can't remember the last time I experienced a day like that. From about 12:30 until midnight, I spent all time with me, myself, and I. No phone calls. No human interaction of any kind. My only company was a pesky little fly... and actually, come to think of it, I don't think he was around either. So it really was just me for the day.

I've spent entire days by myself before- certainly- more recently when working at the shop. Those days, however, usually involved a phone call or two, someone stopping by the shop to make a delivery or check out the place, etc. Also on such days I was busy working, with the radio blaring. Yesterday, though, there was no radio blaring. No television. No painting to do. I layed across my couch, studied some gospel stuff, took naps, eventually cleaned up my room, and practiced guitar while attempting to sing. It's a good thing no small children were around at that moment; let's just say the sounds issued from my vocal chords could make the children cry and the dogs howl.

Anyway.

The experience, more than anything, revealed to me how much I expect and, to a certain extent, depend on human interaction throughout my course in life. Are we wired this way by virtue of being human, or is this dependance something culturally learned?

Whoo. Whoo.

2008-08-01T00:24:00.000-07:00

So it's almost 1:3o in the morning and I am still awake even though I am dead tired and I really don't know why I do this because it's ridiculous and I would say it's because I'm at my parent's house tonight and have internet access from bed which I don't get at my gorgeous trailer but I know this is a lame excuse because I always stay up late no matter what because I am just funny that way even though I would dearly love to go to sleep.

Oh. And when I get tired all punctuation skills go out the window even though I know I could write properly if I felt like it the problem is I don't feel like it and the truth is I enjoy writing and writing without worry about commas and periods even though I am generally a comma and period purist........

........So maybe I should go to bed.

Otter Pops: The Salvation of Sweaty Mankind

2008-07-30T09:34:00.000-07:00

So, my mom bought five large boxes of Otter Pops at Costco with the intent of giving them away during the Pioneer Day festival last week, but never actually gave anything away, leaving us with 1000 Otter Pops. A problem? I think not!

You can never have too many Otter Pops. Those delicious confections, once frozen, produce hours of high fructose corn syrup-laden delight, especially for one poor girl slaving away in an un-airconditioned former service station in 90 degree weather. The store generally keeps cool, actually, but I am painting. A lot. Up high, on ladders.

And you know what they say: warm air rises.

When the sweatiness becomes too much to bear, a cool and delicious refreshment now awaits me in our shop mini fridge/freezer. I open up the door, reach into the freezer, and find my dear friends: Sir Isaac Lime, Alexander the Grape, Poncho Punch, Little Orphan Orange, Louie-Bloo Raspberry, and my personal favorite Strawberry Short Kook. Such friends were never had.

Mmm... delicious frozen delightfulness.

Whistle While You Work...

2008-07-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

Hmm. So the work at the shop continues. The initial plan was to be open by Memorial Day... then by sometime in June... then by Pioneer Day... and yet here we still are, in an unfinished interior, trying to get the blankety-blank place open. Do I sound bitter? Oh, no. More like frustrated. The initial hang-up was a squatter. Yes, a squatter. He'd be operating, and at times living in, the place and his stuff was EVERYWHERE. For weeks he promised to get it out, but nothing happened. He finally took some stuff with him and we moved the rest to an adjacent shed, where it still sits after two months or more.

Subsequent hang-ups came in the forms of late or unresponsive workmen (some of the local guys wouldn't get their bids to us. We still don't have an electrician!) , and in our own general ineptitude for remodelling.

Anyway.

I've been painting for the last few days, but it feels like I've been painting since the dawn of time- you know, dinosaurs, cavemen, and me, painting walls. I fit in perfectly. After I finish this morning's round of blogging, I'll get back to painting and pray this is the last day I have to do it. It's more tiring than you might think. Climbing up and down ladders makes me sweaty. Plus, I'm sick of getting paint in my hair. So that settles my dislike.

Eventually I'll post some pictures of the place so you can get an idea of what we've been doing for three months. Until then, umm, imagine it.

Something tells me it's all happening at the zoo...

2008-07-16T22:51:00.000-07:00

On Monday, my friend Meagan and her two young daughers picked me up at my parent's house for a wonderous excursion to the Hoagle Zoo in Salt Lake. Talk about excitement! It was basically the sweetest day ever, and the people at the zoo even let me out when the adventure was over.

We almost didn't make it to the zoo, because Meagan's daughters fell in love with my parent's crazy dog, a corpulent beagle/chihuahua mix named May. The dog is not used to kids, but she acted very well around the girls and only tried to escape a few times. As we were leaving, Abbie, age 5, exclaimed, "Goodbye May! Maybe I'll see you soon!"

Well the excitement only mounted as we arrived at the zoo and Abbie caught her first glimpse of some animals, a bunch of turkeys and a single chicken. Abbie couldn't believe her good fortune, and practically screamed, "LOOK! IT'S A REAL LIVE CHICKEN!!!!"

Yes, Abbie. It is a real, live chicken. A delicious, live chicken. Mmm, chicken. It's probably a good thing I didn't mention that the chicken nuggets she gets at Wendy's came from that chicken's cousin.

Anyway.

The kids had a great time, and so did Meagan and I. It was a blast to watch as the girls were thrilled with each animal. ("It's a real live elephant! It's a real live penguin!!") It made me miss my childhood a little, and also made me look forward to the day when I will (hopefully!) have my own kids to take to a zoo.

The most random event of the day was running into the boy I had a fierce crush on when I was 15 or so. Meagan and I were in a play with him, and my poor, wee little heart fell for him, and fell hard. Ahh, teenage crushes. He works at the zoo, and was showing off a very creepy lookin little milipede. It was fun to catch up with him, and Meagan and I had fun reminiscing over our (extremely) awkward teenage years. And yes, they were very awkward. I remember one time when I was walking past this boy in the halls of my high school, and I was so shy and nervous that I didn't even say a word to him, even though we'd been in a play together. It probably came off as terribly snobbish, but I was just a nervous ninny. I was so self-conscious then-ok, so I'm still self-conscious, but it's not nearly as much of a hindrance now as it was then- and my numerous insecurities really prevented me from enjoying what should have been a relatively carefree period of life. Oh, if I could go back in time, and relieve my teenage years with the (slightly better) confidence I have now, I would have a blast! Ah well. I suppose the only thing to do is make the years to come better than the years that have been.

Anyway. I'll stop my yakking for now, but leave you lucky folks with a few pics from our adventures at the zoo. And let's just say it's not only the kids who act like children...

Doing my best turtle impersonation. You know, I think some punk in elementary school called me "turtle shell" once. Tee hee...

Abbie with a white alligator. I swear, this gator must have been dead. It looked like it was made of rubber, and it never budged an inch while we were there. Zoo conspiracies afoot? Methinks it may be so...

Charlie, age 2, enjoying the zoo.

Making meaning out of madness, or madness out of meaning

2008-07-13T01:02:00.000-07:00

As some people may know, I'm a big fan of the Marx Brothers. The Brothers were madcap comedians who performed Vaudeville and Broadway before they made the transition to cinema. Their films were wildly popular in the early to mid 1930's, but despite the eventual decline of said popularity, they continued to make films until the late 1940's. My personal favorite Marx Brothers films are "Animal Crackers," "Duck Soup," and "Monkey Business." ("Horse Feathers" and "Night at the Opera" are pretty good, too).

Below are some quotes collected for your laughing pleasure. Most are from Groucho, as he was the fast-talking and wise-cracking one of the group, although Chico got some good lines in. Harpo never did; he didn't speak in the films, prefering to get laughs through his brilliant physical comedy. Anyway, hope you enjoy these quotes. If you like them, check out one of the Marx Brothers films. The plots are secondary to the Marx's humor and madness, and it's tremendous fun.

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

-Groucho Marx

"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."

-Groucho

Chico- Can he live in NY on $3?
Groucho- Like a prince. Of course he won't be able to eat, but he can live like a prince.

-Groucho, Chico Marx in "A Night at the Opera

Groucho: "That's in every contract, that's what you call a sanity clause."
Chico: "Ha! You can't a fool a me; there ain't no sanity clause."

-Groucho & Chico in A Night at the Opera

"I'm in a hurry; step on it! If you can't get gas, get ethyl. If you can't get ethyl, get Maybelle. Now step on it!"

-Groucho to his driver in "Duck Soup"

"Go, and never darken my towels again."

-Groucho, "Duck Soup"

"Do you mind if I don't smoke?"

-Groucho, "Animal Crackers"

Groucho, to two other women: "Let's all get married!"

Woman: "Why, that's bigamy!"

Groucho: "Why yes, that's big of me, too ... One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody! Not even your grandfather!"

-Groucho, "Animal Crackers"

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know.
Then we tried to remove the tusks. The tusks. That's not so easy to say. Tusks.
You try it some time. As I say, we tried to remove the tusks. But they were embedded so firmly we couldn't budge them. Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa, but that is entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about."

-Groucho, "Animal Crackers"

"I could dance with you til the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows til you got home."

-Groucho, "Duck Soup"

"Have we got a college? Have we got a football team?....Well we can't afford both. Tomorrow we start tearing down the college."

-Groucho, "Horse Feathers"

Chico: "The garbage man is here."

Groucho: "Well, tell him we don't want any."

A Little Gripe

2008-07-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how, in television shows and movies and all that, construction workers are always really buff and really hot? Well we had some dudes over at the shop today poring concrete, and whew, let me tell you, those television stereotypes are LIES. Lame, mean, vicious lies.

The guys here today were scraggly chain-smokers. One of them had something about "sex and fishing" on his t-shirt. They could have just arrived from the underworld, or at least Wal-Mart.

International Multi-Media, I am disappointed in you. How dare you spoil my expectations! Never mind that really buff and really hot guys aren't really my type. Every girl needs something nice to look at once in a while, especially if she's stuck on a hot day in a renovation project. Just for that, I'm not going to watch any more movies or television until tonight.

Take that!

The magnificence of my new life

2008-07-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

So, for anyone who doesn't know, I moved in June to a wee little town in the middle of nowhere to manage a store for my parents. Problem: said store is still not open, and likely will not be for at least two weeks. In the meantime, I have been splitting my time between my folk's place and my new residence (which is, by the way, a magnificently getto-fabulous trailer) until the business opens. I have received a number of very useful insights from this experience that I will share at this juncture.

1. I hate remodelling. I never realized just how much I detest remodelling and renovating until I started helping my folks renovate and remodel a 1923 gas station. (Hint: "1923 Gas Station" means 85 years of grease on most of the floors, at times several inches thick, a nasty bathroom that smells like something from the underworld, and all other forms of disgustingness that accompany a former gas and service station. Let's just say mechanics aren't, in general, the cleanest group. No offense to any mechanics).

I undertook the challenge to renovate, initially, with pleasure. It couldn't be that bad. People completely remodel and renovate old places all the time on home improvement shows, and it only takes them half an hour! Once I discovered, however, that thirty minutes worth of work was only good for removing about a square foot of grease, I changed my tune.

2. Living in a trailer really isn't that bad. Oh sure, it's small, and the carpets are old and the former recreation and toilet ground of pets, and I swear that the swamp cooler sprays bugs into the place every time I use it, and my cell phone reception is squat because I live in the equivilent to a tin can.

And yet--

When I settle into bed at night with a good book, or a good Marx Brothers movie, or decide to play the guitar and sing very loudly, or decide to leave the dishes dirty for another day, the prospect of living in an old trailer by myself really isn't too terrible. The rent is cheap, so it enables me to live by myself, and thereby grants a kind of freedom that I haven't known before. Plus it beats sleeping outside.

3. The stereotypes about small towns really arent't that far off. Everybody really does know everybody. Or at least a decent number of everybody knows everybody, and something of their business. My first day at church, I was surprised to find that several people already knew who I was.

Life has a slower pace here. The countryside is filled with sheep, cows, and horses. People wave at cars as they drive past. The nearest mall is nearly sixty miles away. And everything at the potlucks is home-made. No cheap, lazy "buy a bag of Doritos and be done with it" (like I did) kind of people.

So that's about it for now. Check back as I post pictures, and tell of my thrilling adventures in Sanpete County.

23 Days. 23 Days. 23 Days.

2008-04-02T00:47:00.000-07:00

I graduate in 23 days. That fact (well, "fact" provided I actually keep my grades up)- anyway, that fact alone is enough to maintain some slight thread of sanity until the month is through. I think for today, "23 days" will be my mantra.

I can't make this stuff up

2008-03-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

Stranger than fiction, indeed. Check out this news story:

FRENCH VILLAGE BANS DEATH
Thu Mar 6, 3:24 PM ET

PAU, France (AFP) - The mayor of a French village has issued a decree banning residents from dying in his territory unless they own a spot in the overcrowded cemetery.

"It is forbidden for any person not having a plot in the cemetery ... to die on the territory of the village," the mayor of the southwestern village of Sarpourenx wrote in a decree that warned of "severe punishment" for offenders.

Mayor Gerard Lalanne told AFP he had taken the radical measure to protest against a legal ruling preventing him from enlarging the burial ground in the village of 260 people.
"The first dead person to come along, I'll send him to the state's representative," he said.

Lalane said he had been inspired by the mayor of another French village, Cugnaux, who had also outlawed death as a protest last year and who thus won the right to enlarge the village's cemetery.

(Here's the link to the story on yahoo: http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080306/od_afp/francedeathoffbeat)

My only question is this: exactly how can lawmakers punish dead people?

Narcissus's Dream Come True

2008-03-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

Greetings, and welcome to this, the first thrilling edition of Duck Soup: The Life of Stiene. Stiene is a nickname I acquired during my junior year of college at Utah State; I'd never found a nickname I liked (with a first name like Christine, the options are either butch or far too girly), but when a roommate mentioned Stiene it seemed edgy and cool. Now I realize it's just silly, but with a blog title like "Duck Soup," I don't think seriousness should be expected.

"Duck Soup," of course, is the title of one of the Marx Brothers' best films. I do love the Marx Brothers. Technically, the term means "an easily accomplished task;" as I am somewhat of a lazy creature, I can't think of a better title for my blog.

Oh, so the title of today's' entry- Narcissus's Dream Come True. Today, a coworker told me of a hairdresser in Portland whom he and his family have gone to for haircuts and such. Apparently, this man is throwing a most unusual bash for his 41st birthday- he is marrying himself. Yep, you heard me: marrying himself. He's hiring a pastor, a bunch of hot guys to serve food (as he swings that way), and a jazz band. The cost of his "reception?" Something to the tune of a cool twenty thousand dollars. Oh yeah.

The whole thing reminds me of an old episode of the British sci-fi sitcom "Red Dwarf," in which the characters encounter a chameleon which turns into his ideal romantic partner. The most vain of the characters, Cat, is happily surprised to discover that his true love is, well, himself. It's a very happy moment for him. He gives himself a high-five and revels in the glory of his ultimate epiphany.

Talk about self-esteem. Sheesh.